Really this post is mostly about adjusting back into "the dating scene" and my attempts to jump into it. Much of this is prompted by my friend Kari, who fearlessly shares her dating experiences, horrible or not, for all to enjoy.
Though I have been on few dates, I hope to change that shortly. Every day I meet more and more people, each with excellent stories and interesting things to share. It's taken me a while to come to a place of appreciating that, but I think I am finally beginning to look outside of myself and appreciating all that others have to offer.
Recently I met a girl through a mutual friend, casual terms. I was immediately attracted by her and we had some good conversation - getting this far alone is rare. I decided quickly that this was someone worth pursuing and was looking forward to the opportunity to spend some more time with her in a group setting. That setting occurred a few nights ago...
I walked in and was surprised and delighted to see that she was there also. Knowing these opportunities do not come that often I did not hesitate to strike up a conversation and try to evaluate her level of interest. That evaluation did not take long. Shortly after beginning a conversation she quickly found a meaningless excuse to be on the opposite side of the room for the rest of the evening. Evaluation complete: not interested.
I am always surprised/disturbed by how well I respond to failure. I get an awkward sort of pleasure from failure/rejection and I have no idea where it comes from. Regarldless, I left the evening feeling almost elated to have tried and failed (though success would have been equally welcome). This is not to say that should the opportunity arise again I won't give it the "old college try", but I don't fear the response - knowing that either way I will be fine.
Nothing profound, but a good spot for me. I am tired of shallow relationships, of surface-level interaction. I'm not just looking for a girlfriend but for deeper relationships with all of my friends, guys and girls alike. I'm looking forward to sharing the joyful highs and the difficult lows with those around me. And, you can bet, if there are any awkward situations I will be sure to share those as well!
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I also find a disturbing pleasure in something not working out. Probably for 2 reasons: 1) A bold acknowledgment that this is not going anywhere and I don't have to worry about an awkward "thanks but no thanks" convo in 2 weeks. Situation solved itself. 2) Avoiding getting hurt down the road and dodging any drama.
ReplyDeleteI will say that I'm not on board with the rejection piece of it, but it's been 2 years since that's happened thanks to a better sense of self, patience, and it's just plain tricky to find a dude that makes me turn my head. I keep my hopes high and expectations low these days. :-)
(Thanks for the blog shout out)
I am sure we'll have many more stories to come...